Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1999)

Movie Plot: The souls of 4 teenagers are being hunted by a soultaker. Intro: The 'bots have a wet t-shirt contest. They don't seem to grasp the point, and leave Mike confused. Commercial sign doesn't come on when it's supposed to, leaving Mike to have to push the button. Segment One: Cambot picks up some odd interference. Gypsy informs Mike that the ship is having serious malfunctions. Meanwhile, in Castle Forrester, Pearl, Bobo, and Brain Guy are playing Monopoly. They couldn't care less about the SOL. Segment Two: Gypsy, and other parts of the ship, are seriously malfunctioning. Mike takes charge, but only succeeds in breaking the Hexfield Viewscreen. Segment Three: The SOL, still malfunctioning, is caught in another ship's tractor beam. In Castle Forrester, a soultaker comes for Bobo's soul. It turns out to be TV's Frank, who became a soultaker when he realized that second banana heaven wasn't all that great. Segment Four: The person form the other ship boards the SOL, and i

Movie Plot: A night club dancer goes off to California with a drifter. Intro: Crow has a WWBSMD bracelet. Segment One: Pearl is being inspected by the Institute for Mad Science. Segment Two: Crow exacts revenge on Mike. Segment Three: Crow does an exotic dance. The 'bots belittle Mike for not recognizing Crow as a sexual being. Segment Four: Mike sings a sad song in the rain, oblivious to the fact that the SOL is on fire. Segment Five: The SOL crew dress as the thug from the movie. Pearl finally impresses the inspector by forcing Brain Guy to dance in a dress.

Movie Plot: An old man tells his grandson a story about the magician Merlin. Intro: The Crew pulls old-school college pranks. Segment One: Pearl makes Servo the SOL's supreme dictator, to see if that makes the experiment more evil. Segment Two: Servo and Crow review each other. Neither likes the other. Segment Three: Servo turns Mike into a baby. Segment Four: Mike shows off his Ernest Borgnine kids books. Segment Five: Pearl sends Bobo to the SOL to torture Mike and the 'bots. They send him back.

Movie Plot: Dinosaurs attack LA looking for a cyborg. Intro: The 'bots figure out how many times a lady Gypsy is. Crow realizes that Mike is more feminine than Gypsy. Segment One: Pearl conducts LSD tests on Crow and Servo. Segment Two: Servo and Gypsy kickbox. Segment Three: The SOL crew graciously thank Pearl for not killing them. The gesture gives pearl a gilt trip about her next plan. Segment Four: The SOL is visited by Droppy the Water Droplet. Segment Five: Mike gets a giant chin, Pearl puts collars on Bobo and Brain Guy before they go on tour with their acid rock band.

Movie Plot: A mad doctor turns himself into a mutant-fish. Intro: Crow takes up chewing tobacco. Segment One: Pearl deprives the SOL of love, as part of an experiment. Segment Two: Crow's evil voice-over causes Mike to get wedged in a bulkhead. Segment Three: The SOL crew goes fishing. Segment Four: Crow and Tom get Bobo and Brain Guy to help convince Mike that nudity in acting is good. Segment Five: The 'bots create personalized food carrying cases. Pearl turns Bobo into a Mermonkey. Stinger: "Sargassum: the weed of deceit!"

Movie Plot: A crew searches for a monster in an Arkansas swamp. Intro: The SOL has a cub scout meeting. Servo shows up in a Brownie uniform. Segment One: Pear is going to take over the world by knocking out power to all the major cities and buying all the world's potatoes. She will then make millions of those little potato batteries and control the world's electricity. Unfortunately, Bobo forgets to get the potatoes. Segment Two: The crew has flashbacks to remember why Mike came up to the bridge. Mike's flashback is so blurry he can't remember anything about it. Until he remembers that he came to get his contact lenses. Segment Three: Pearl decides to make money off of the tourist trade by cooking up a monster lengend. Brain Guy sings a country song of "The Legend of Forrester Swamp." Segment Four: Servo starts a corporate whittling business. Segment Five: Crow starts some fires on the SOL. Down at Castle Forrester, Bobo drives away customers at the Legend of Forrester Swamp Girl

Movie Plot: A man turns into a lizard monster after being hit by a meteorite. Intro: The 'bots use their new onion blossomer to blossom everything, including Servo's head. Segment One: In Castle Forrester, Pearl has exposed Bobo's brain as a way to control him with a remote control. Mike tries it and almost escapes, but fouls up the plan. Segment Two: The Crew show how pathetic the "practical joke" at the beginning of the movie is. Segment Three: Mike presents a "Behind the Music"-style documentary about the folk-rock band in the movie. Segment Four: Crow and Servo send a camera, taped to a remote-control truck, to spy on Mike. Segment Five: Servo hits a satellite with his bow and arrow. In Castle Forrester, Brain Guy is showing Bobo how to take care of his new exterior brain.

Movie Plot: A Texas sheriff runs amok in Malta after a mobster who killed his partner. Intro: Servo ponders if the owner of a lonely heart is really better than the owner of a broken heart. Segment One: In Castle Forrester, Pearl, Brain Guy, and Bobo demonstrate how to put humor into the workplace. Segment Two: The crew tries to complain to Pearl about the repetition in the movie by making Mike trip multiple times. Segment Three: Goosio visits the SOL as a goodwill ambassador, but the 'bots kill it. Segment Four: Crow delivers a speech about Maltese men. Segment Five: Since Joel escaped after a Joe Don Baker movie, Mike assumes its his turn. He's really just sitting in the water heater. The 'bots comfort him. In Castle Forrester, Pearl and Bobo are demonstrating "funny dress-up day" to improve workplace morale. Pearl is dressed up in wacky colors, Bobo dresses as Joe Don Baker from the movie. Brain Guy appears in leather biker gear, but informs them that it isn't for dress-up

Movie Plot: An old German public TV version of the classic Shakespeare play. Intro: Servo changes his name to Servaux. Segment One: Mike plays 3 card monty with Pearl for the choice of the movie. He wins, and chooses "Hamlet" but Pearl gets the last laugh by digging up this version. Segment Two: Crow and Tom try to scare Mike by pretending to be the ghosts of some of his relatives. Segment Three: The 'bots do a conceptual musical version of Hamlet. Segment Four: Mike hosts the game show "Alas poor WHO?" Segment Five: Servo and Crow make a Hamlet action figure, complete with pull-string soliloquy. Fortenbras visits Castle Forrester to complain about not being in this version of the story. Pearl kills him. Stinger: King Claudius does a double-take.

Movie Plot: A man on a spelunking trip becomes a man-bat. Intro:The crew does some painting. Mike tests to see what different colors do to the 'bots emotions. Segment One: Pearl distracts the SOL crew while Bobo sprays them with poison. The poison causes Crow to grow extra arms, for Servo's hands to become huge, and for a small Servo to grow on Mike's back. She gives in to their complaints and finally sends them the antidote. Segment Two: The crew dresses as the cast of the Mary Tyler Moore show, with Crow as Mary, Mike as Ted, and Servo as Lou. Segment Three: The 'bots think Mike is rabid and give him injections. It turns out he just fell asleep while eating pastry and has frosting on his face. The 'bots are mad that the won't need the rest of the injections. Segment Four: Mike grows a mustache and asks Pearl what she thinks of it. She says it's ok, but is them wooed by Crow's bushier mustache. Segment Five: On the SOL, Servo opens a franchise of the Buddy Epsen Hat Destress

Movie Plot: A group of exotic dancers are stranded on an island where a radioactive spider threatens to kill them. Intro: Crow writes a newspaper column. Segment One: Pearl has moved the castle to suburbia to save money on Bobo's monkey license. Segment Two: Mike gets stuck in a giant spider web. Segment Three: Mike auditions Pearl, Bobo, and Brain Guy for a dance show, like the guy in the movie. Segment Four: Mike and the 'bots keep crashing the SOL, testing the theory that in a crash women instantly become helpless, murmuring idiots. Segment Five: Mike pretends to be a man-spider. Meanwhile, Pearl has decided to move the castle back because in the suburbs, you cant throw your garbage out the window. On the way back, they have stopped at a "Pump & Munch" to diesel up the flatbed. Bobo is delighted at the balloon dispenser in the bathroom. Brain Guy keeps the "balloons" for his lady friends.

Movie Plot: Worms overrun a southern town. Also riffed was the short: "A Case of Spring Fever." Intro: It's the annual SOL safety check, revealing that the SOL is a death trap. Segment One: Pearl is having a fair in the castle. The 'bots enter a 5000 pound pig in the Forrester Fair. Segment Two: The 'bots discuss the plausibility of Coily, the sprite from the short, and summon a sprite to get rid of Mike. Segment Three: Servo becomes a southern belle. Segment Four: Mike fails to create giant worms, creating a tasty snack instead. Segment Five: Brain Guy demonstrates the Forrester Fair's 4 foot bungee jump. Crow gets some huuuuge platform shoes, which he can't balance on.

Movie Plot: A super spy tries to steal a large chunk of gold. Intro: Servo finds the SOL employee handbook, which is written in typical Forrester dictator style. Segment One: Pearl has hooked the SOL up to a joystick and starts to mess with the crew. The joystick breaks and initiates the SOL's re-entry system. Brain Guy and Pearl are helpless to stop the SOL's return, which has Pearl quite upset. Segment Two: Servo disposes of the many Servo clones on the ship. Segment Three: The residents of the castle are moving on with life: Pearl becomes dictator for life of Qatar, Bobo gets a "job" at the zoo, and Brain Guy becomes the oracle of a planet. Segment Four: Crow is nervous about going to Earth, so Mike writes a song to make him feel better. Crow feels better, but the song makes Servo afraid. Segment Five: The residents of the Castle do a Mary Tyler Moore style good bye. The SOL violently crashlands on Earth. Gypsy starts a successfull Fortune 500 company called ConGypsCo. Mike, Servo and Crow settle into their small apartment to watch the strangely familiar "The Crawling Eye"