Linda Green (2001)

Feeling post-natal and paranoid after the birth of their new baby—and with their sex life gone to pot—Linda's best mate Michelle reaches breaking-point when she clocks Linda pinching boyfriend Darren's bum at the club. Unable to convince her friend she's got it wrong, and faced with her own forthcoming birthday celebrations - which even Linda's on-off amour, Jimmy doesn't want to attend because of the fall-out - Linda cancels the party she'd planned for a night in alone with a pizza and a few beers. Never one to start lonely for long, Linda decides to pour out her heart to the unsuspecting pizza delivery boy. Eddie (turns out to be a born listener with a head stuffed full of half-baked New Age philosophies. According to him, all Linda needs to do a reverse of her ill-fortune is to carry out a spot of emergency Feng Shui on her flat. Delighted with the results of sorting out her own negative shi, Linda gets to work on the energy hotspots in all her friends' lives, with the aid of a well

Both Linda and Jimmy are between relationships and hanging out together. Linda's a little concerned at the amount of time Jimmy's spending round at her place. Their arrangement was sex and no ties—but he seems to have moved in! When explaining the problem to best mate Michelle, Linda paces the room and works herself up into a frenzy. To prove her point she calls her own answering machine to be greeted by the new greeting of: ""Hiya! We're not in at the moment, so leave a message for Linda and Jimmy after the bleep."" It's the last straw for Linda. But then Linda runs into old friend Teresa who's looking for somewhere to stay. Linda uses the opportunity to push Jimmy out and move Teresa in. Meanwhile, Jimmy's talking to Darren about what to do about the situation. He wants to win Linda back, so Darren suggests flirting with Teresa to make Linda jealous. Linda will be back in his arms in no time. However, what no-one seems to have noticed is that slowly Teresa has turned into a Single Whit

Linda craves a little excitement in her life. What better way to get a bit of action than via a good cause? Linda hooks up with Sukie, a PC eco-warrior who's ready to fight for any cause. Soon Linda's on a demonstration (much to Jimmy's amusement) to save the local wood. The situation gets a bit fraught and Linda ends up pushing a copper. The next thing she knows she's been banged up for the night, along with Darren and Sukie! But Linda's chuffed because suddenly she feels she has meaning in her life. Before her 'good causes' were men—but this was something so much more worthwhile! Being polictical suits her and her new idol is Sukie. Sukie's a seasoned professional and Linda feels inspired by her commitment to make the world a better place. But soon Linda realises that Sukie's a bit too much talk and action and not so much commitment. She revels in the excitement her adventures bring her, but actually doesn't really do anything that worthwhile. She simply jumps from one cause to the n

Linda's luck with men seems to be changing - she's met a man and he's romantic, sensitive, gentlemanly, generous and available! To seal a deal at the garage where Linda works, she agrees to do Colin, the sales rep, a favour. She agrees to go on a blind date with his friend, Stan. Stan's recently divorced and hasn't had any female action since his decree nisi. Linda's up for it, explaining to best mate Michelle; ""It's a means to an end. Not so much lie back and think of England, more sit back and think of the bonus."" When Michelle warns her that Stan could be a serial killer, Linda claims it's fine ""as long as he doesn't have a moustache."" Stan (played by ex-Holby City's Jeremy Sheffield) turns out to be gorgeous! He's brings her flowers and chocolates, wines and dines her. It all seems too good to be true - and it is...... Darren and Jimmy find out that 'Stan' isn't Stan. In reality, Stan is short, bald and has a missing finger! Linda's Stan is a fake. Michelle tells the boys not to sa

Linda spots a good-looking canvasser doing market research and makes a beeline for him. Andy is looking for couples for a focus group testing a new brand of condom. Linda drags on-off Jimmy along as her boyfriend so she can get to know Andy better! Linda turns out to be the star pupil, coming up with all the answers and flirting with Andy (although he doesn't really seem to notice - he just thinks she's being really friendly!). Linda's soon signed up for all the focus groups - dog food (for her imaginary dog), lawnmowers (for her imaginary garden), drills (for her imaginary DIY interest.....you get the picture). Andy's impressed with her ethusiasm and takes up her offer of a drink at her place. Linda thinks it's a good sign of things to come. Unfortunately Andy has a girlfriend and it seems he only really wanted to come back to Linda's to check out her buying habits and the consumer products in her kitchen! ""So, are my cupboards doing anything for you then, Andy?"", asks Linda. Unfortun

Linda's holiday plans go awry when she oversleeps after a big night out and arrives late at the airport. She gets there to find that she's just too late—Michelle, Darren and Jimmy have flown off to Ibiza without her! As night falls, she's still not managed to book another flight. Despondent, she's forced to retreat to the all-night coffee lounge where she meets Marko, a cute Mediterranean-looking waiter. Before long, Linda and Marko are getting to know each other in the back room and Linda decides to cut her losses and join the Green family on their caravanning holiday in Rhyl - and takes Marko along. Having lost both his parents and been brought up by his gran in Cardiff, Mark's thrilled with the cosiness of his new-found family in Wales. But soon Linda realises that Marko's more needy that cosy. And he's seems more interested in her family than Linda herself. When's Linda's dad Frank says that Marko is just lonely, Linda complains: ""So am I now! He spends all his time with you!"". Mea

It's Linda's dad, Frank's birthday, and he's not taking the day well. He's very irritable, pondering on what he's missed out on in his life while he's been busy mopping up numerous finanicial and romantic disasters of his kids—especially Linda. Down at the club with his family and friends, he gets the surprise of his life when he spots an old mate he last saw 30 years ago. Handsome, fit and stylish, Brian has aged considerable better than Frank! Linda certainly isn't slow to notice either. Brian has also lived a very different life to her dad Frank. Instead of settling down with a mortgage and kids, he's travelled the world and this excites Linda very much. Despite the age difference, the attraction is mutual and soon neither of them can control their libidos! ""Fantastic kisser and not as wrinkly as I was expecting!"", Linda tells her best mate Michelle. She doesn't confide in her dad though as she knows that there's no way that he'd approve. Jimmy and Darren think the situation's hilar

Linda meets Matt at the garage where she works. It doesn't take long for her to take a shine to him and they're soon going out together. But Matt doesn't like spending nights out down the club with Linda's mates. He'd rather they experienced new things together—such as roller-blading, golf, and throwing themsleves out of planes. Linda's fine about this: it's exciting and makes a change from the dull things that most men always want to do. Little does she realise the reality behind Matt's dating activities. His thirst for new and different things to do has nothing to do with his adventurous spirit—and everything to do with the fact that he'll go to any lengths to avoid doing anything that he did with his recent ex-girlfriend, Karen, whom he's trying to forget. Best mate Michelle soon begins to realise that Matt's attempting to create new memories for himself and Linda to try and distract himself from the heartbreak about his ex. Michelle persuades Linda that the only way she'll get to t

Darren and Michelle are finally tying the knot, with Linda as bridesmaid and Jimmy as best man. He's got the rings, written his speech, everything's in order except one thing—he's forgotten to order the lads' car. Darren is furious: ""Two cars you were supposed to order, you brain dead gimp."" There's nothing for it but to leg it to the registry office and hail a cab along the way. Linda calls Jimmy on his mobile and as he pauses amidst the traffic to take the call—bam!—He's hit straight on by a van. The wedding's cancelled as bride, groom and bridesmaid rush to Jimmy's bedside. Jimmy's not in a good state: cracked ribs, concussion, a fractured hip and a broken leg. Linda volunteers to look after him at home, throwing herself into her Florence Nightingale role with abandon. After a few days of cooking, cleaning and bed baths, Linda's knackered and the novelty's worn off. She decides it's time to call in the reserves. Jimmy's mum has just been banged up for shoplifting so, much to his hor

Michelle, Darren and Jimmy are off to an old friend's wedding do and they all pile round to Linda's to wait for the cab. Jimmy shows up with a bloody nose—he's dating Gaynor again and she's got quite a temper on her. ""It was only when he turned blue I realised she'd got his windpipe."" Darren laughs. Gaynor's real problem is with Linda: she's threatened by her and jealous of her relationship with Jimmy. To make life easier for him, Linda decides not to go to the wedding. But the others don't want to go without her. In fact, the others don't want to go at all. Soon the party's happening round Linda's with the unexpected addition of Katy and Ricky who sneak round in the hope they'll have the place to themselves for the night. As the evening progresses, and the scotch begins to flow, Jimmy drops a bombshell on Linda. He's finally had it with his ""on-again-off-again,"" ""no-strings-sex"" relationship with Linda and he's ready for something more. How will Linda deal with Jimmy's declaration: ""Y